


Dappled Shadow and Penumbral Light

by raiyuki76



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Death, Exploration, Found Family, Gen, Hope, M/M, Non-Canon Lore, Or as close as I can get, Political Shame, Poor Essek is so confused, Regular Guilt, Slow Burn, The Luxon, Will eventually become Canon Divergent most likely, catholic guilt but not really because they aren't catholic, fuck dierta thelyss, questionable use of magic, religious shame, secrets being revealed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:41:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29523117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raiyuki76/pseuds/raiyuki76
Summary: Essek Thelyss has many secrets, but there are exactly two that matter to him more than any others. Should either be revealed to the Dynasty that he serves, his life would be forfeit. Or so he thought.The Luxon does not communicate its intentions clearly, and its motives are shrouded in mystery. But its word is the law, and when the Queen receives a vision, she is going to act on it, regardless of what that may mean for the religion that worships the light.And the Mighty Nein? Well, they're obviously going to help their friend, even if they still don't quite know if they trust him or not. Perhaps this could be the test to prove his intention? There's only one way to find out.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 34
Kudos: 128





	1. A Risky Attempt

**Author's Note:**

> So, apologies in advance for this incredibly self-indulgent hypothesis fic that is essentially just me making guesses on all of those damn lore tidbits that Matt likes to tease us with. It will likely all be proven false one day with canon, but oh well, I'm gonna have fun!
> 
> The fic is mostly in Essek's POV. Magic and combat rules are thoroughly considered but ultimately sacrificed if necessary for the story. 
> 
> More tags will be added as time goes on. I'm still considering just how self-indulgent I would like to be. If I missed an important tag, please let me know. Comments of all kinds are thoroughly welcomed.

Essek took a slow but deep breath as he scanned the court. He could see the bright pop of pink that was Caduceus’s tall head as the firbolg stood across the way from him, eyes shifting slowly as he too kept watch. It helped to ground him, keeping the swelling of anxiety at bay, to know that the Mighty Nein were here as well. 

But of course, they would be. They had been the ones to hear the secret plans of the attempt on the Queen’s life. It had happened during a scrying attempt, much like the last time they had brought in secret plans from the Empire. Essek had not asked who they had been watching and was simply grateful that they trusted him with this information. 

That they had let him still be involved. 

When they told him of the attempt, he agreed to meet with them at the court. There was little time. He had immediately sent word to the Dusk Captain, knowing she would be by the Queen’s side at that exact moment. With her permission, he began the perilous task of teleporting back to the court. 

It was logical that if he knew, and could return to court in time to help fight off this attempt, then he should. The fact that it could help ingratiate him with the Queen, and possibly assuage some of the suspicions aimed at him, was just an added bonus. 

Besides, if the Mighty Nein were going to arrive to assist, it would be logical for him to as well, since he was still technically in charge of them when it comes to the royal court of the Dynasty. 

Perhaps this could have an added bonus of showing them how desperately he wanted to prove himself to them. But, he dare not ask for such a chance.

He turned his gaze to Quana Kryn, locking eyes with the Dusk Captain for the third time that evening. He blinked once, letting his head drop only slightly in a subtle bow. Still nothing suspicious. 

Essek was an incredibly patient individual, but the wait for an assassination attempt was never a fun one, even when it wasn’t against him. And yet wait he did. It was all any of them could do. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

When the violence finally did break out, it was sudden. They knew that there would be multiple individuals involved, but to have a dozen figures suddenly lurch into movement as fog quickly billowed into the room was still more than Essek had expected. 

The chaos was instantaneous, with shouting and magic flying in all directions. Essek kept close to the Queen and her captain, as was the plan, using dunamantic pulls to move and shift various people around the court turned battlefield, some even against their will. The nobles and politicians, none of whom had been informed, squawked with indignation as Essek shoved them into safer hallways, but their resistance was weak otherwise. The assassins, on the other hand, were harder. 

A blast of vibrant fire pulled his gaze for what was supposed to just be a moment. It seems that Caleb drew his eyes even during battle. Perhaps foolishly, Essek had a hard time looking away. The control that Widogast exerted over the strands of fire that laced through the crowd, lighting up the assassins and no one else, was incredible to watch. 

He would end up being grateful that he was watching his friend during that moment. 

The figure appeared behind the human so suddenly, that Essek was surprised that he moved fast enough. He reached out across the room, pulling Caleb to the side, and just out of reach of a wickedly sharp dagger. The strange drow woman, haloed by vibrant crimson hair, snarled as the blade sliced through empty air, before falling into the floor and disappearing. 

Essek watched in confusion for only a few seconds more, before he heard Beau shout across the room. “It’s the Caedogeist! Keep an eye on the floor!” Had he heard that name before? 

He wished he was closer to the Nein, but they were quickly spreading across the room. Besides, he had other things that he was supposed to be attending to. If the Caedogeist came from the floor, then he had a simple solution. 

“Pardon me, your majesty,” he said before lifting the three of them up into the air. Fortunately, both the Queen and the Dusk Captain were familiar with the feeling of weightlessness brought on by dunamancy, and they balanced themselves easily as they hovered in the center of the large chamber. 

“What is the meaning of this Shadowhand?” Quana said, looking around the room, her sword still in hand despite the sudden distance between her and the enemy. 

Before Essek could answer, their eyes were all suddenly drawn to the flash of red below. The figure had returned, cutting down a guard right beside Quana’s own echo. The assassin’s dagger drew out of the fresh wound and slashed backwards, cutting past the echo’s armor. The shadowy form dispersed right as the woman slipped back into the ground, the guard she had killed falling down after her. 

And then he remembered. The Inevitable End, the Caedogeist, Lolth’s chosen assassin. The Nein had told him that she had been released. And now, with the Angel of Iron’s cult gone, she was free to go back to her old mistress. 

“This is not good,” he said, partially to himself, but also to the Queen and her partner. “She is Lolth’s chosen assassin, the Inevitable End. At least we know now who would be so bold as to attempt this.”

“She will fail today,” Quana said, resummoning her echo as she did. 

Essek couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief when he saw a familiar human wizard floating in the air as well, held aloft by a different strain of magic than his. Most of the Nein had also fled the floor, each in their own ways. Fjord flew as well, while Veth levitated about ten feet off the ground. Jester and Caduceus stood on the tables that sat at the edge of the room, each surrounded by tiny spectral forms of shifting colors. Beau and Yasha still stood on the floor, however. 

Essek considered trying to lift them as well but thought better of it. They were hardier than some of the other members of the Nein, and would be of more use in close range combat. He wasn’t even sure if Yasha had a ranged attack.

He was suddenly wrenched from his thoughts by a sharp pain in his side as a poisoned bolt dug deep into his flesh. The dunamantic power holding them aloft wavered for only a second, but he managed to hold his concentration. He needed to focus.

The assassin who had shot him was loading another bolt. Essek fought strongly against the urge to crush the man’s body into a tiny ball and instead continued his job, moving people across the battlefield. He knew his assailant wouldn’t be standing long. 

Beau closed the distance between her and the assassin, and Essek knew that the man would not be aiming for him again. It was strange, feeling such confidence in the Mighty Nein. He wished that he could feel that same confidence for the other guards in the room, but he simply did not. 

He was momentarily blinded by a bright beam of light. As he blinked the spots from his eyes, he couldn’t help but wryly admit that at least he could feel assured in the Queen’s combat capabilities. Her and her partner’s. 

A flash of red pulled his attention once more, and he watched as several more guards fell. They keep clustering and making her job easier, he thought with frustration. But a thought was forming in his head, and he began to lower himself and the two women who he still held aloft. 

They touched down right as the Caedogeist reappeared, and Essek grabbed for her immediately with a boosted telekinetic hold. He lifted her up into the air, struggling to keep a hold of her as she resisted his magic. He could hear her cursing in Undercommon, eyes darting around to identify who was restraining her this way. 

Their eyes met across the battlefield, and he couldn’t help but smirk at the frustration in her glare. If he could just keep her here until everyone else was taken care of, they would be okay. 

“WOOOH! Go Essek!” Jester shouted from across the room. Essek couldn’t help but smile at her genuine cheer. Only she could manage to be so happy in the middle of battle. His smile immediately fell though as he ducked out of the way of a blast of magic. 

When did another mage get there? The plan had been to remove any enemy mages immediately, but this one seemed new. Essek contemplated sending some of his own magic shooting off towards the enemy mage, but his focus was wrestled once more back to the Caedogeist he held. She was struggling against his grip again, and he had to focus. 

“Not used to being held, are you,” he called out, grinning internally as he kept a hold of her. She snarled back at him, before shouting out a command in what sounded like Abyssal. He couldn’t help but agree that it was smarter not to communicate in Undercommon, despite all of the assassins being drow. But he didn’t like it when his enemies were smart. 

“Watch out Essek, she’s targeting you now!” Beau shouted across the room. Ah. Well, that was helpful. 

He didn’t have a chance to say anything about it before Quana pulled him back behind her, her Echo covering their back. 

“Focus on holding her still,” the Dusk Captain said as she took a defensive stance, now guarding both him and the Queen. 

“We will end this scourge,” the Queen said, rage barely contained in her voice. A beam of pure light shot down from the ceiling and surrounded the red-headed assassin. Essek watched as she was engulfed in ghostly flames, her scream echoing out across the room. 

Then, his world was filled with fire, and he was flung from where he floated as pain blasted through his body. He landed on the ground hard, and for a moment, all he could see was the smoke rising from his body. 

But now was not the time to lay down. He struggled to his feet, looking first for the Queen. Quana was helping her partner up. They were singed and burned just as he was, but they were alive and well. 

It was then that he realized he had lost the spell. 

He looked around, suddenly and sharply, straining to see that flash of red hair. 

Then, he felt a stinging pain arch through his back. He fell back down to his knees, feeling the poison already spreading through his veins. He tried to look around, but he felt his head snap back as a strong grip pulled him by his hair. He looked up now at the blood-red eyes of The Inevitable End as she stood behind him, poised to attack. 

“No more of you,” she muttered with an angry grimace before she plunged her dagger into his chest. 

And everything went dark. 

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Caleb felt a familiar feeling of weightlessness fill him before he was suddenly pulled forward some ten feet, as if by a single point in his stomach. The pull felt like falling sideways, and he recognized the magic easily, but it didn’t make him any less confused. 

He looked across the room to where he knew Essek to be and saw the drow mage looking at him with confusion. He was about to call out to him when he heard Beau instead. 

“It’s the Caedogeist! Keep an eye on the floor!” she shouted, and Caleb suddenly realized just how lucky he had been that Essek had been watching. He may be stronger now, but a hit from the Inevitable End was no joke, and he was still one of the squishiest in the group. Maybe that’s why she had targeted him first.

The Mighty Nein all shifted into different actions with this new information on the table. Caleb watched as Jester and Caduceus both moved to climb onto nearby tables, while Fjord took to the sky. 

It’s not a bad idea, though they would become targets for archers, he mused as he pulled out a long dark feather from his pouch. He considered casting the spell on Beauregard as well, but as he glanced at her, she saw him and shook her head. She must prefer to stay on the ground. 

It was a valid enough choice. Veth was already levitating from her own magic as he finished the incantation and mentally willed himself into the air. 

The new vantage that he found himself at was nice in its own right, and he took advantage of it to target assassins that had previously been unseen to him. The rays of scorching fire that he sent flying across the room cast a strange warm glow across the normally cooly lit throne room. It almost felt wrong. Like he was tainting it. 

His internal musings were cut short as he saw one of the archers aim towards the queen. The group had been lifted into the air by Essek, and while that made them an easier target for the archers, it did protect them from the more dangerous threat. Just as Caleb was thinking this, the bolt was loosed. Not at the queen, but at Essek instead. 

“Kill the mages first.” It had been their plan. It would make sense that the enemy would think it too. 

That didn’t change the fact that he was feeling great rage at the action. 

Fortunately, they protect their own. Beau closed the distance between her and the archer, and she was far too much of a threat for the man to ignore. Caleb couldn’t help but smirk slightly as he saw the fear in the man’s eyes. Beau was pretty intimidating in a fight. 

Caleb sent more rays of fire off in a different direction, targeting the various archers he could see. If they could make the sky safer, then they would have an easier time. It seems he wasn’t the only one to think that either, as the Queen herself smote the man he was targeting with a vibrant ray of light. The archer fell, cloaked in ghostly flames. He couldn’t help but muse on how her flames fit the aesthetic of the palace far better than his own did. 

Suddenly, he saw a dart of red. He felt a sickening drop in his stomach, turning to see clearly who would fall this time. Instead, Caleb watched as the Caedogeist lifted into the air, struggling against an unseen force. 

“Woooh! Go Essek!” Jester yelled, and Caleb couldn’t help but smile. Essek was smiling too, though it was smaller and more contained, even now. This was good. This was very good. 

He couldn’t help but feel lighter as they continued the fight. Essek was a valuable ally at the best of times, but if he could keep the Caedogeist at bay, then he was the key to this fight. 

Caleb just wished that he could slip back into that easy admiration that he once felt for the man. But it was hard now. He wanted to. He truly did. Especially as he watched him during this fight, pulling and pushing figures across the battlefield like a tactician. And yet, there was still some doubt. That reservation still hung in his chest, despite everything that Essek did to try to atone. 

A blast of magic shot through the air and both mages immediately honed in on the source. They had cleared out the enemy casters before. Where had this one come from? 

Caleb turned his focus to the new mage, maintaining his height advantage despite the Caedogeist being restrained. It limited some of his options since he had to focus on it, but he did not want to risk being her target once more. 

He sent more fire towards his target, aiming all three rays at him rather than splitting them among the other enemies. How were there still so many? 

The chaos in the room had at least died down some, now that the civilians had been vacated. But there were still far more actors in this fight than Caleb was used to. And it was dragging out longer with the sheer amount of enemies that they had to deal with. 

Movement out of the corner of his eye warned him just in time as an archer shot. His magic shield came up just in time, and he saw the bolt skid off of it and fly off towards the ceiling. 

In almost that same moment, another beam of bright light fell from above. It surrounded the Caedogeist, still held aloft, and lit her aflame once more. It was so much easier to fight her when she was held like this. 

He saw it out of the corner of his eye. That familiar thin ray of bright orange light. And he just wasn’t fast enough. The counterspell was on his lips when the fireball exploded outwards, sending the three most important people in the room flying. 

Caleb saw the red-headed drow fall from the air and slip beneath the ground in just a second. That light feeling of confidence was immediately gone. 

It felt like he was moving through molasses as he searched for the familiar form of his friend. Essek was lifting to his feet, grounded in the aftermath of the fire that had distracted him when the imposing figure of death rose from the ground behind him. 

Caleb watched, his hand lifting far too slowly, as the blade pushed out from within Essek’s chest. The drow man fell down, back onto his knees as his pale eyes grew wide. Then he looked up into the eyes of the Inevitable End as she plunged the dagger into him once more. 

Caleb finally got his hand into position, after what seemed like an eternity of watching this exchange. His other hand grasped the lodestone in his pouch and a thin line of green shot between him and the Assassin. 

She was fast. Too fast. 

He watched with rage as the ray hit her arm instead of her chest. The dark gray dust spread across the limb, and she staggered. Even though it hadn’t taken her out completely, it had hurt her at least. 

She sunk down into the ground quickly, disappearing once more from the fight. Essek collapsed backward and lay motionless on the ground. 

Caleb couldn’t quite describe the feelings that passed through his head as he broke rank and flew over to Essek. One could call it reckless, to drop the fly spell he had been focusing on, to land at the drow’s side. He was almost even foolish when he realized that the potion in his hand would do no good. 

He struggled with the urge to cast the Globe of Invulnerability that he had prepared for the Queen. But there was no point, was there? Essek was already dead. 

Still, he did not leave his side. He was out of position, but he didn’t really care. He was at risk, and yet he foolishly wanted the Assassin to reappear. But she didn’t. 

In the end, the last enemy was finally killed by an Echo Knight’s shade. They, too, had been waiting for the Caedogeist’s return, but she had never reappeared. 

The rest of the Mighty Nein converged quickly, the battle not quite over for them. Caleb felt his heartbeat in his throat as he watched Jester pull a Diamond from her bag while Caduceus helped her prepare for the ritual resurrection. He didn’t even notice that they were surrounded by other figures until one of them spoke.

A drow woman had appeared at some point, wearing fine clothes that had not been damaged by battle. Everyone else stood aside, regarding her with great respect. Even the Queen and Dusk Captain seemed to hold her in some regard. 

“There is no point child,” she said, her voice gentle. “He is consecuted. He will not return.” The various drow who looked on nodded, solemn, but not sad. 

Jester stopped as she held the diamond in her hand, looking sad and confused. 

“But… does that mean…” she began to ask, her lip quivering as she did. 

Caleb knew what she was thinking. Knew what she was feeling. It was hitting him at that moment too. 

Essek was gone. And he would not return to them, even if they tried. Not for several decades at least. And even then. It won’t be the same. He would be different. They would be different. 

He felt the hollow disbelief in his chest as he looked down at his friend. Every doubt seemed so silly now. He knew that they weren’t. That they were reasonable doubts, but still. At that moment, he was so angry with himself. 

“Do not mourn for him,” the woman said, lifting her hand to her chest as she did so. She grasped a geometric holy symbol as she did, but something about her felt hollow. Something felt… wrong. “He is already born again. He will return in time. Fear not.” 

“But… It’s not…” Jester muttered, still trying not to cry. Caleb understood. This woman’s hollow words meant nothing to them. At least not at this moment. It didn’t change how they felt. 

He felt the warm and heavy hand of Yasha as it rested on his shoulder. He couldn’t bear to look up though. He did not want to look away from the friend he had failed. 

“Wait.”

The voice of the Queen sounded strangely hesitant. There was something thoughtful and distant in it that couldn’t help but bring a spark of hope into Caleb’s heart. He looked up just as she spoke again. 

“Do the ritual,” she said, her eyes focused on Essek’s still form, confusion and thoughtfulness plain on her face. 

“But… Your majesty,” the drow noblewoman said, confusion on her face as well. 

“The Luxon wants the ritual completed,” the Queen interrupted. Her voice was firm now, and any argument died in that moment. She looked to the woman as well, and Caleb couldn’t help but feel a spark between them. As if something passed between them unsaid. 

Then, movement at his side drew his attention as Jester immediately turned back to Essek and began to prepare once more for the ritual resurrection. 

Caleb couldn’t quite clear his head at that moment. Nothing about this made sense, but some part of him still felt that desperate hope.

“This is going to be a little different this time, okay everyone,” Caduceus said, his voice still quiet though with the tiniest hint of a hush to it that Caleb knew meant he was worried. 

“Yeah, we gotta do our big spell,” Jester said as she continued to lay out the various elements for the ritual.

“What’s going to be different,” Yasha asked, her voice strained still from the earlier battle. 

“We need contributions,” Caduceus said before leaning back and looking at all of them. “This time, we have to call him back to us.”

“What do you need us to do?” Fjord asked, ever pragmatic. 

“Anything that you think will convince him to come home,” Caduceus said with a soft smile as he lit the last few candles. The two clerics looked at each other and nodded with a look of grim determination. Caduceus took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Time to begin.”

The sound of the room surrounding them dampened as a gentle breeze began to pick up, spiraling around the group as they kneeled on the floor by their broken friend. Caleb couldn’t bring himself to look away from Essek, as the gentle glyphs began to glow while the smoke from the incense swirled around them. 

He didn’t want to admit it, but he _needed _this ritual to work. He couldn’t quite explain it. But he needed Essek back.__

__“Who would like to go first?” Caduceus asked, his voice deep and grounding._ _

__“I… I can,” Yasha said, causing a couple of surprised looks among the Nein. They did not question her though but rather shifted to the side to allow her to kneel next to Essek’s body. She held her hand to her chest, her eyes sad and thoughtful._ _

__Gently, she unfurled her hand, revealing a delicately pressed pale purple flower. With utmost care, she placed the flower onto Essek’s chest, her eyes downcast as she did._ _

__“I… I know that we didn’t know each other as long as everyone else,” she began, her voice barely over a whisper. “But… I think I know how you feel. I know… I know regret. And guilt. But I also know that everyone here, in the Mighty Nein, I mean…”. She paused for a moment, taking a shaky breath. Caleb glanced up in time to see Beau gently take Yasha’s hand. Yasha swallowed and continued._ _

__“We can help. They helped me, so I know that they can help you. And besides… we’ve already lost one friend too many. So please, if you can, come back. I guess… Well, that is all,” she said, finishing with an endearingly awkward huff. Caleb couldn’t help the slight upward quirk of his lips, despite the stress permeating through his whole body. He couldn’t help but hope that Yasha never changes._ _

__There was a moment of silence before Jester leaned forward, her fingers anxiously drumming on her knees._ _

__“You know Essek, I’ve been meaning to show you something,” she said, her voice cracking. “I made this for you because you really are just _so _cool Essek.” Jester gently held out a tarot card. One that Caleb hadn’t seen before. Regardless, he could easily recognize the figure painted on it, surrounded by dark geometric magic and a multitude of stars.___ _

____“But you aren’t just cool. You’ve helped us so much when we are out here in this weird place that we didn’t know anything about. And you cared about us even though we were super annoying and kept asking for things. And… I can see that you’re getting better Essek. You are! You’re doing so good. And I just… Just, please Essek. Please come back.”_ _ _ _

____Jester finished and slumped inward all in one breath. Tears streamed freely down her face as Fjord leaned gently against her shoulder._ _ _ _

____Silence fell over the group again, save for the gentle swaying of wind that still circled them. No one looked directly at him, but Caleb could feel it. They were waiting for him._ _ _ _

____It made sense. They all knew how he felt anyway. Or at least that he felt something. He wasn’t sure even _he _knew how he actually felt.___ _ _ _

______Regardless, it was his turn._ _ _ _ _ _

______Perhaps he should have tried to think of something?_ _ _ _ _ _

______He looked back down at the still face of his friend. His window to a younger version of himself, despite the hilarious reality of their ages. His mirror._ _ _ _ _ _

______How terrible it would be to have that path cut short. That redemption._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You aren’t finished yet, Schatz,” he muttered, barely realizing that he was speaking aloud. “You still have so much more left to do. So much more to be.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He paused, looking down at his side. When had he grabbed Essek’s hand?_ _ _ _ _ _

______“And we will help you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The diamond flickered away into dust. The wind died down. And they all fell silent, listening intently for that gentle inhale of breath._ _ _ _ _ _


	2. The Unfortunate Reveal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna be honest, I ended up having to make up a lot of lore to make this incredibly self-indulgent fic work, so be aware of that. I tried to make it as Canon Compliant as possible.

Essek inhaled sharply and felt a stabbing pain in his chest and down along his side. His eyes fluttered open, though he couldn't quite make out the shapes that hovered over him. The only one that felt familiar in this moment of confusion was the blur of blue that leaned over him, lifting him with strong arms. 

It took him several moments longer than he would have liked for him to gather his bearings, as he glanced around. The Mighty Nein surrounded him first, like a small ring of light and comfort in the otherwise painful and uncomfortable place that he found himself in. Their voices were dull murmurs that settled over him like a comfortable blanket, though he couldn't quite make out what they were saying. Were they talking to him? Or to each other? He couldn’t tell.

The throne room was still in a heavy state of disarray, and while many guards and civilians paced around, securing the scene or sorting through the bodies, there were also many people who stood silent and still. Watching him.

Why were they watching him? 

The Queen looked down at him with her partner at her side. The looks on their faces were thoughtful. Did he see pity there?

Various nobles paced around on the outskirts, far enough away to not be involved but close enough to see what was happening. They watched him, eyes wide with a range of emotions scattered among them. There was confusion. Pity. And in some people’s eyes, a sort of contempt that he could not quite understand at this moment. But then, he found her.

His eyes suddenly landed on the Umavi, and his blood ran cold. The cold rage in her eyes was subtle. She had always been good at hiding it, but he knew the signs of her anger well. He knew that look well. It wasn't until then that he realized what had happened. 

Looking down, he confirmed his fears as he saw the last remnants of diamond dust that hadn't already mingled with his blood. Pale purple skin was just barely visible through the gaping gash in his now darkly stained shirt. 

"Essek? Can you hear us?" 

The voice only just then penetrated the fog that was filling his mind. He glanced over into a set of familiar crystal blue eyes and felt himself take a breath that he didn't realize he was holding. It would never cease to amaze him how grounding Caleb Widogast seemed to be to him.

Sound began to flood back in. The gentle clatter of weapons being moved. The heavy steps of tired metal feet. The quiet chatter of whispered gossip. It was already spreading like a wildfire. There would be no return. That tiny moment of calm that Caleb had brought to him fell away from him like a rock.

"Let us give the Shadowhand a moment," the Dusk Captain declared. Her voice was quiet but commanding. Her military voice. No one ignored that voice. And so everyone filtered away except for the Mighty Nein and the Umavi. Essek could not stop himself from looking back up to the looming figure above him. 

She looked down on him, her face unchanging. She stood tall, dressed to the nines as she always was. She was untouched by the battle that had raged through here only moments before, without a scratch on her. She was perfect in every way, without a hair out of place. And yet, here she was, marred by his mere presence. His very existence.

Once again, the room seemed to fall silent. Essek looked up at his mother, waiting for the world to fall, as he knew it would. 

"You are normally so good at everything," she finally said, her voice barely above a whisper, and yet he heard it as clear as day. "If only you could be good at dying too." And with that she turned away from him, her movements coldly graceful. 

Oh...

He didn't realize that she had spoken in Undercommon until he saw Beauregard move to stand up. 

As always, Beauregard did not bother to conceal her rage. 

"The hell was that?" she began to growl. Essek did not think before reaching out and grabbing her hand. 

"Beauregard no!" He whispered tersely in Common, feeling every eye in the room on them. The monk snarled as she looked back at him, but the fire in her eyes immediately died when she saw him. "Please, just leave it," he added, quietly hoping that no one else could hear the begging tone in his voice. 

Beauregard looked back at the retreating figure of the Umavi. His mother didn't look back at all as she swept out of the room. Though Essek would have been surprised if she had. He knew this song and dance. He knew what to expect. What would come of this. 

Essek looked at the Mighty Nein finally, truly seeing them for the first time since he woke up. They were all tired, beaten, and bruised, but seemed to be okay otherwise. He watched as they all looked around the room, seeing the shift in mood and environment, from weary and broken to the familiar snake pit of gossip that Essek knew so well. 

They truly were too good for a place like this.

He wanted to say something. But the sudden weight of everything that had happened began to crash down on him. He took a deep breath in, working to school his face into something more controlled. He felt a heavy hand on his back as he focused on breathing, and he couldn’t help but be so grateful. 

“We’ve got you,” Yasha whispered gently, her voice cracking somewhat from the screaming she had done earlier. 

“Yeah, it’s gonna be okay Essek,” Jester said, leaning into view and giving him a strained smile. 

“Let’s fucking get out of here,” Beau said finally, her eyes openly angry as she scanned the room. Essek almost laughed when he realized that she could hear the whispers. Understand them. She could hear the venom that was circulating through the court. Focused all on him and his failure. 

“Ja, let’s get you somewhere comfortable,” Caleb said, drawing his focus away from the court of vipers that surrounded them. “I bet you feel like shit, so why don’t we go to the Xhorhaus. Get the hot tub running, ja?”

All Essek could do was nod. He took a deep breath again, steeling his face into a composed, almost neutral expression. 

These next few moments could dictate exactly how the court felt about him from here on out. He had to be careful. 

He lifted himself up with dunamancy, not bothering to stand to his feet without it, though he was still grateful for the helping hand from the Nein. He stood tall and straight, hovering slightly higher than normal as he scanned the room. 

At the very least, the various nobles and politicians of the room had the wherewithal to avoid his gaze when it came to them. Not that it mattered. They would immediately look back at him the moment he turned away. They would watch like buzzards for any sign of weakness. Any hint that they could turn against him later. He never hated politics more than he did at that moment. 

The Mighty Nein followed behind him as he swept from the room, head tall and eyes forward. They traveled in silence as they left the Lucid Bastion. They were still quiet as they entered The Firmaments. 

Essek began to hear gentle whispers behind him occasionally, though they were soft when they came from the Mighty Nein. Gentle, like flowing water in a stream. He wryly mused that concerned whispers seemed far more preferable to gossiping whispers, though he wouldn’t say as much to them. 

He still kept his head high, and his eyes forward. Even though no one in the Firmaments knew of his shame. They barely even knew of the assassination attempt. 

Their walk was, thankfully, uneventful. 

Essek slowed down and allowed Fjord to pass him when they arrived at the Xhorhaus. The half-orc unlocked the door, and stood aside, beckoning Essek in first. 

Essek could see a look of familiarity and understanding in Fjord’s eyes as they looked at each other. It was something Essek had never asked about before, but he could imagine that Fjord has likely been on the receiving end of such social disdain before. Still, there was little that could be done about it now. 

Essek floated into the home, and immediately turned to the side, out of view from the street. The Mighty Nein filed in behind him, watching with concern as he dropped to his feet, then approached the wall of the foyer. 

He honestly wasn’t sure why he did it, but it still felt comforting in some way to quietly slam his head into the wall, resting it there and seeing nothing but the pale stone for just a few moments. It felt nice to get to finally free himself from the feigned composure he had held the entire walk here. 

He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, mind swirling with the reality he now lived in, before gentle hands pulled him away. He looked up to see Caleb’s sad face, though the rest of the Mighty Nein seemed to have left. 

“Come on friend, let’s sit down,” the human said, Essek’s arm still in his hand. Essek couldn’t help but be grateful that the hard look of hurt and betrayal was momentarily gone from Caleb’s eyes. He wasn’t sure if he could handle it at that moment. He nodded and followed the other wizard up the stairs to the second floor. 

The rest of the Mighty Nein were trying to make things comfortable in the room they called the Happy Room. 

Caduceus had made tea and was pouring cups for everyone while Jester brought in plates of food. Yasha and Beauregard had been on a quest to find pillows apparently, and the already plush and comfortable chairs and couches were now overflowing with blankets and pillows of all shapes and sizes.

As Essek and Caleb entered the room, each member of the Nein glanced at them, acknowledging their presence. And yet, they did not stop in their task. There was attention, but no judgement. No pity. Or at least, not the bad sort of pity. 

“Unfortunately, we can not have the tower tonight, but the Xhorhaus should be more than comfortable enough, ja?” Caleb asked him gently as the two of them settled down onto one of the long plush couches. Jester immediately placed a large pillow in Essek’s lap, and before he could resist, Frumpkin appeared on top of it and began insistently nuzzling his face. 

“Yes, thank you,” Essek said with a weak smile as he pet the fae cat. He… he honestly wasn’t sure what to do. The last time the whole group had been so thoroughly focused on him had been the night of that terrible party. When his first shame had been revealed to them. Or perhaps that was his second great shame? It made his head hurt to even think about it. So he didn’t.

A steaming mug of tea was placed on the table in front of him, but he was so covered in pillows and fae cat and attention he couldn’t even fathom reaching for it just yet. But it was nice to know it was there. Shortly afterwards, a wine glass appeared next to it and he couldn’t help the weak smile that appeared on his face. 

Eventually, the room quieted and became still. 

Everyone was settled, each in various chairs or on cushions on the floor. Drinks were in hand, both alcoholic and not. Whispers died down, into the gentle silence. 

“I would expect that we would like some privacy, yes?” Fjord asked, his question aimed at the group but his eyes on Essek. All he could do was nod, not really sure what Fjord intended on doing. 

With a gentle nod himself, Fjord summoned his gleaming sword, and a silvery sheen covered his normally golden eyes. He glanced around the room before nodding. “Nothing so far. I’ll keep an eye out.”

“Thank you Fjord,” Caleb said, his voice tired. They were all exhausted. 

“So like, what the fuck?” Beau said suddenly, her eyes glowing with anger as she looked at Essek. 

Shit. He was way too tired for this. Though to be fair, he couldn’t help but feel like he deserved it. He deserved any anger that was directed towards him. These people were his closest friends, and he had lied to them, again.

“To be honest with you,” he began, eyes downcast, “I completely forgot that none of you knew.” 

Essek felt himself almost laugh. They knew so much about him, but they hadn’t known about this. Why would they? He was so used to them knowing the darkest secret about him, that he forgot this shame existed too. 

“You all know so much about me, but I forgot that you had no reason to know this. That of all things, you never would have questioned it. Though I will say, in my defense, that lie had been drilled into me for nearly a century.”

“I… I don’t understand,” Jester’s soft voice said, interrupting the spiral of self-hatred and doubt that he was starting to fall into. “I mean, we are all so so soooo happy that it worked, but… how?”

“That lady said it wouldn’t,” Beau said, her voice still strained with frustration and anger. 

Essek couldn’t help but sigh, his eyes dropping to the floor once more. It was so strange, but saying it out loud seemed to suddenly be so difficult. 

“Because he isn’t consecuted,” Caduceus said, his voice ever assured as he spoke Essek’s first great failure into the room. 

Essek took a deep breath. Then, it began to all spill out. 

“I suppose I should start from the beginning. It is only fair.” No one interrupted. The silence enveloped him, but it was not oppressive. If anything, it felt welcoming. 

“When a new child is born into a Den, particularly a large or powerful Den, their first decade or so are very important, because if that child is a consecuted soul from another Den, then the first few decades will flavor how that person treats the Den for the rest of their life, regardless of if they choose to stay there or not.

“The first ten to fifteen years are always a party. Everyone dotes on you, and you get the best of the best. They want there to be so many good memories, that they stick around so that should you leave, you still think fondly of this life’s birth Den. And so it was with me.”

Those had been good days. Perhaps the only good days. 

“It was… even more so with me though. Because from an incredibly early age, I was exceptionally capable when it came to magic. I was prodigal, one could say,” he mused. God how he hated that word now. It always impressed him how it could be a compliment and an insult all in one go. 

“I was given the best tutors, much earlier than any of my peers, and I took to magic like a fish to water. It began to be thought that I might be the next life of Izzerin Daev’yana, a powerful dunamancer who had gone missing some four years before I was born. If I was, it would have been quite opportune for Den Thelyss. Izzerin Daev’yana had had a falling out with his Den long before disappearing. He would likely have been very comfortable staying within Den Thelyss. It would have been a great boon for us.

“Now, it is typically very ill-advised to try to guess these sorts of things. It only ever leads to disappointment and hard feelings. So even though it was whispered throughout the Den, it was typically kept quiet. But still, the rest of Den Thelyss thought that I must be him. How else could I be so good?”

Essek couldn’t help but glance up as he spoke, though he could not keep his eyes up for long. Every single member of the Nein watched and listened in silence, with a gentle attentiveness that made him feel both encouraged and ashamed all in one go. 

“So, you can imagine the sort of pressure I was under, to begin to remember,” he said, plowing on. “To remember this very important past life. It was the perfect example of why you don’t do this very thing. Why you should not expect consecuted souls. Why you should temper your expectations and simply wait, and be patient.” He sighed for a moment, mind pausing as he recalled those early days of hope. 

“But the memories never came. The Umavi, my mother, arranged for amnesis anyway. Just to be safe. To confirm what we had all begun to fear… And it was true. I was a new soul. Just a prodigal one.”

“This isn’t… necessarily a bad thing,” he said, pausing as he tried to pick through his words. “New souls are abound with potential. So while the Umavi was… disappointed, to a degree, this was not the worst thing that could happen. No… that would come next.” He sighed again, trying to prepare himself for the next leg of the story. It felt like his chest was being constricted, and he could feel an ache and soreness around the newly healed wound in his torso. He wasn’t sure if he felt this way because of the emotional tension or because of the wound he had fallen from.

“It was arranged for me to become consecuted. Easily done, for our Den. The ceremony was small, as it always is with Den Thelyss.”

“Some Dens invite everyone,” he mused, suddenly realizing how badly this could have ended for his younger self. “But Den Thelyss always prefers much smaller, more intimate consecution ceremonies. Only my mother, father, and the Skysybil, were present for mine. And it is likely only because of that I was allowed to live beyond twenty years old.” 

There was a sudden hiss, and his eyes darted up to see Jester. Her face was screwed up in a look of disgust and fear. 

“Why?! Why would they have killed you?! That’s so terrible!” she cried, now that she had seen him look up. 

“Let him explain Jester,” Fjord muttered, though the half-orc scowled as well. 

In a way, it comforted him some to see the Nein so openly upset at the idea. It helped remind him that they were not of the Luxon religion. It reminded him that they would not hate him for what he was about to say. 

“It’s okay. I… To put it bluntly, the…” now if only he could actually put it bluntly. 

“I… failed. The Luxon did not accept me. The consecution did not stick. There is no other way to really say it.”

He waited for a moment. He had a feeling they would have questions. 

“Wait… so, just to remind Fjord again, how does consecution normally work?” Veth asked, ignoring the half-orc as he rolled his eyes. 

“Ah, well… The ritual is rather simple, though it has multiple steps, each one involving a Luxon Beacon. For me… I failed at the first step,” Essek explained. 

“Did you do something wrong?” Beau asked bluntly.

“Beau!” Jester said, smacking the monk on her leg. “It was definitely not Essek’s fault!”

He couldn’t help but scoff lightly at that. “It is hard to say. It could have been me. It may not have been. No one knows _why _consecutions fail. Only that they rarely do.”__

__“So you aren’t the only one,” Fjord asked._ _

__“Ah, no. I am not,” Essek said, feeling a tinge of guilt, though he couldn’t fathom why. “Most of the time, when a consecution fails, it is believed that the individual is unfit. Unworthy of the Luxon’s light.” _A heathen. Filth. A stain on this Den. _____

____There was silence._ _ _ _

____“Any love that my mother had for me died that day,” he muttered, barely above a whisper. “And yet, my failure was her failure,” he said, his voice rising again as he remembered that he was explaining this story to the Nein, not the floor. “You see, if you are unworthy of the Luxon’s light, it is believed to be a failure in your upbringing. It is a stain on the Den who raised you, and for the son of the Umavi to be such a failure…” It was unheard of. It wasn’t possible. It was all his fault, of course._ _ _ _

____“The Skysybil owed my mother a large favor,” he continued, “and with it, my mother bought her silence. I was not shunned from Kryn society or killed, as every other failure before me had been. No one would know. No one _could _know. I was threatened within an inch of my life should anyone discover this secret, even the rest of the Den. And so, she bought my silence as well.”___ _ _ _

______“Was that her?” Beau asked, her voice boiling with anger again._ _ _ _ _ _

______“The woman at the court?” Essek asked, looking up at the monk again. “Yes. That was the Umavi of Den Thelyss, Dierta Thelyss. One of the most powerful people in the Kryn Dynasty. One who had just been openly shamed in front of the entire court.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t fucking care,” Beau suddenly snapped, jolting to her feet._ _ _ _ _ _

______Essek couldn’t help but shrink back. This was too much for him right now. He wanted to leave, but he was frozen in place. Why? He had no idea. Yet he couldn’t seem to bring himself to move._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Beau, calm down,” Fjord said, standing as well._ _ _ _ _ _

______“No. Fuck that shit. Fuck her!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Wait, what?_ _ _ _ _ _

______“She had no fucking right. She’s your mother, but she said _that _to you? After you had just fucking died?!”___ _ _ _ _ _

________Essek just stammered, unsure how to respond. She… wasn’t mad at him?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Beauregard, calm down, now,” Caleb said, his voice firm. “Why don’t you tell us why you are so upset?” he asked after a few tense moments of silence. It was like the tension suddenly bled out of the monk. She looked at Essek, the anger dropping into something else. Something sad._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“She… she fucking said she wished he had died. Or something like that. Some bullshit.” Essek couldn’t help but look down as he heard the gentle intake of breath as the Mighty Nein processed what was said. In a way, he still simply felt relief that Beauregard’s anger wasn’t directed at him as he had thought._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“She said, specifically,” he began, for posterity’s sake, “You are so good at everything. If only you were good at dying also.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh Essek!” Jester said, moving as if she wanted to stand up and approach him. Just as she moved, however, Beau dropped back down onto the couch next to her and she stilled instead. “Essek that is so terrible! Don’t worry about her Essek, we love you and we are so glad that you are here and alive and not dead!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yeah, no that sounds terrible,” Caduceus said, nodding his head slightly in the background._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“It’s fucked up man,” Beau added. Essek couldn’t help but chuckle sadly at that._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Ah, yes. Now you uh, know how my life has been ever since,” he said, bringing silence to the room once more. “The Umavi of Den Thelyss is good at hiding her ire, but she is also the beating heart of the Den. It became very apparent that I had lost her favor and it took little time before I became an outcast within my own family.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________All except one of course._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“It was considered quite foolish to be seen too often with me, though that of course was hidden from anyone outside of the Den. The politics involved were… quite exhausting.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“That sounds very lonely,” Fjord said, eyes rising to meet Essek’s. There it was again. That familiarity._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I told myself that I didn’t care,” Essek answered honestly. If he was honest with himself, he had believed it for a very long time. “I still had access to the resources and power that the Den brought me. So I used it, even though I often felt unwelcomed there. I threw myself into my studies. Into my ambition. After a while, it felt like that secret failure didn’t even matter anymore.” Because really, it hadn’t. The politics of Den life were difficult at the best of times, right? Was it not normal for a high ranking member of the Kryn Dynasty to struggle so? He had thought so, once before._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Fortunately, as my political career advanced, I was able to leave the Den grounds and procure my own tower. I only had to visit a few times a year. And I could often get out of it if necessary. So in a way, losing my family didn’t really matter to me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________There was a sudden pulse of magic tickling his ear as he heard an unfamiliar voice whisper to him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Shadowhand Thelyss. Your brother, Taskhand Thelyss would like an immediate update on your current status and whereabouts. He has received concerning news from your Den.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________There was a pause as Essek registered the words that he had heard. His brother had probably heard directly from the Umavi. Probably something angry and inciting. He held up a finger as he noticed the rest of the Nein watching him curiously._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Please inform him… that I am alive and well... The assassination attempt against the Queen was a failure... All is well.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Well that was a lie,” Fjord muttered. Essek couldn’t help the weak grin that pulled at his lips._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Who was that?” Yasha asked, eyes gentle as she sipped from a mug of tea._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Oh yeah, there was tea. Essek reached out for his own mug, trying to be gentle so as to not disturb the now sleeping Frumpkin._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Ah. I believe the Umavi has sent word to my brother already,” he said as he took the warm mug into his hand._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Is your brother… you know,” Beau asked, shrugging her shoulders and making a disgruntled face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“No, no. Verin…” Essek hesitated. How to describe Verin. “My brother was one of the few souls who did not care about the risks. He was fortunate, as he was the next ideal child to replace me, so he could not draw her ire the way other family members did. But even still, he did _not _make our lives any easier with his boisterous brotherly love.” Essek couldn’t help but smile as he remembered his younger brother.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Verin had always tried so hard to maintain a relationship between the two of them. Essek on the other hand, had always tried to hold the younger man at arms length. It was to protect him, of course, but he was certain that Verin never realized that._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Verin truly was too good for them,” he muttered into his mug._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“You were too good for them,” Jester said suddenly, drawing Essek’s gaze. Her eyes were intense as she looked to him, and for a moment, Essek could almost believe her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Instead of answering, he took a long drink from his tea. The warmth of it was a wonderful boon to his sore body. He truly felt like shit right now._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________It was beginning to be too much for him again, but now in such a strangely wholesome way. He had said once before that his allegiance to the Mighty Nein was stronger than any other, but he was beginning to feel as if it had grown beyond even that._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________They were here for him in a way almost no one had ever been before. And he didn’t know what to do about it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“So, question,” Fjord suddenly said, interrupting the spiraling thoughts flowing through Essek’s mind. “So if the Luxon rejected you as a kid, why did it save you today?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Essek’s mind went blank._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Wait, what?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	3. A Moment to Explain

Essek’s mind went blank as he tried to process Fjord’s words. The pause was enough for everyone to realize that he had no idea what the half-orc was talking about, and they began to all explain.

“Oh well, you see, after all the bad guys died, we all ran over to you know, resurrect you and stuff, but then your mom was there and she was all like Oh don’t worry about it,” Jester said, her voice dropping in pitch and beginning to warble as she mimicked his mother. “He’s not gonna come back because he’s consecuted.”

“And like, she was totally trying to act like she was sad, and honestly, that pisses me off even more,” Beau added. “Saying shit like don't mourn him, he’s gonna come back, it's fine. Like bitch you fucking knew!”

“Which makes sense, now that we know she didn’t want that secret getting out,” Fjord added, entirely calm compared to Beau’s broiling anger. 

“But then! But then, the Bright Queen was all like no. Wait!” Jester’s eyes grew wide as she mimicked the queen, and she stood straighter with her head held high. “The Luxon wants the ritual completed!”

“And your mom totally still tried to argue with her, but she shut up once the Queen looked at her,” Beau added, nodding with appreciation as if she had just watched the Queen banish the Umavi for her crimes. 

“So we started the ritual,” Caduceus added, his voice smooth and calm as he smiled serenely at Essek, as if they had not just unloaded the most unbelievable story ever. 

Essek just blinked at all of them, trying to register what they were saying. He isn’t sure how long he sat there in silence.

“Are you okay friend?” Caleb asked from beside him. He felt the familiar weight of the other wizard’s hand on his forearm, gentle and comforting. 

“Ah… I… I don’t know,” he admitted finally. “This… this doesn’t make sense,” he added as he looked up to the group. 

“The Luxon… it doesn’t speak necessarily. Though the Queen does have an incredibly strong connection to it. But then… why would it… This doesn’t make any sense.”

“Maybe the Luxon just changed its mind?” Jester prompted suddenly. “Maybe it likes you now?”

“What, after he stole it’s sacred beacons?” Beau countered with obvious disbelief.

Essek laughed nervously. “I highly doubt it. The Luxon is not a particularly flexible… entity? Thing? Energy force? From everything we know about it anyway. It is more like a law of physics than an active deity with willpower and thoughts.” 

“Does… does the Luxon have clerics?” Jester suddenly asked.

Essek couldn’t help but sigh at that. “Ah, yes. The Umavi is actually one of the strongest. As is the Queen.”

“Oh.”

“But they can’t talk to the Luxon, like Jester talks to the Traveler?” Fjord asked.

“No. The Luxon is well known for being powerful, but very aloof. All of the religious writings surrounding this Luxon have been written by the various Umavi, or the Queen herself. None of it has technically come from the Luxon itself.”

“Wait, your mom wrote your religion?” Jester suddenly asked incredulously. 

“Well, she was one of several, yes,” Essek answered, growing more and more tired as the conversation drew on. “There are a handful of Umavi throughout the Dynasty. She is but one of them.”

“So… so you get divine power from the Luxon, but it doesn’t like… send you visions, or dreams or anything?” Yasha asked, speaking as gently as ever.

“That is correct,” Essek assured her, shifting in his seat. His body twinged with pain as he moved. He was sore from head to toe. He winced slightly.

“Ah, perhaps we should continue this conversation tomorrow? We are all quite beat up,” Caleb said suddenly, stretching himself as he spoke. 

Honestly, that sounded like a wonderful idea. 

“Yeah, I bet you feel like real shit right now Essek,” Jester said with a sidelong glance. “I bet we could totally help with that! Give you a back massage, or something.”

Essek chuckled nervously. “Ah, thank you Jester, but no thank you.” Did she just wink at him?

“No, though I will not lie, the walk to my tower does not sound pleasant,” he admitted before downing the rest of his tea. He had never been a fan of tea before. But there was something about Caduceus’s blends that were truly impressive. 

“Oh Essek, you can totally stay here!” Jester said, suddenly crossing the distance and standing next to him. “We’ve got plenty of room!”

Oh, wait, what?

“Yeah man, we got you,” Beau added as she stood, cracking her neck with a loud pop. 

“I can make breakfast in the morning that will help you feel much better,” Caduceus added with his serene smile. 

“Ah, I would not want to impose,” Essek began, confusing himself slightly with how _that _was the first excuse he came up with. Surely his own bed would be more comfortable. And yet, he couldn’t help but want to stay anyway.__

__“You won’t impose! We want to help Essek! Please stay the night with us!” Jester began to plead._ _

__Well who can argue with that?_ _

__She knew it too. Essek watched as the victory entered her eyes before he even responded to her request._ _

__“Well… I suppose I can,” he finally muttered. In a way, it really didn’t feel like a defeat. Something felt right about it._ _

__He truly did love his tower, but the idea of traveling through the city right now sounded exhausting beyond all measure. And he had no teleportations left._ _

__Besides, perhaps it would be nice to wake up to friends._ _

__

__…………………………………………………………………………………._ _

__

__Verin looked up at the massive tree that rested atop the otherwise standard manor, and couldn’t help but tilt his head slightly in confusion. He was exhausted, confused, and incredibly frustrated, and yet the sight of green foliage lit by little glowing lanterns gave him just enough of a reason to stand and stare for a moment more._ _

__When he had been told that not only did his brother have _friends _that he had not been informed of, but that these people were the Heroes of the Dynasty and also cared enough about Essek to resurrect him, Verin hadn’t known what to think. And that feeling only grew as time wore on, but he hadn’t ridden all night from Bazzoxan just to stop and stare at the strange new adjustments to the manor.___ _

____With a deep breath and a head held high, Verin approached the door and knocked. He could hear voices beyond the walls. Many of them fell silent as his knock echoed through the home._ _ _ _

____After a few moments, the door opened just enough to permit a human woman’s face. She watched him with distrust and gave him a surprisingly thorough once over. Verin gave her all of ten seconds before deciding that he didn’t feel like waiting any longer._ _ _ _

____“Ah, good morning. Is the Shadowhand here?” he asked, not even bothering to keep the tension out of his voice. He had already dealt with more than enough politics all morning from the den and then subsequently from the Lucid Bastion. He just wanted simple answers, and he was tired of trying to fight for them_ _ _ _

____“What’s it to you?” the woman asked, voice rough and uncaring._ _ _ _

____“I would like to speak to him,” Verin replied, trying to keep himself from snapping. Far too many people had given him the run around this morning and his patience was wearing thin._ _ _ _

____“Uhuh, how about I just take a message?” she asked, suddenly appearing very nonchalant and aloof. So he is here?_ _ _ _

____“Look, I just need to…”_ _ _ _

____“Verin?” a familiar voice asked from inside, right behind the woman who barred his way. At the sound of his voice, the woman shrugged and stepped back, opening the door more fully to reveal Essek._ _ _ _

____Verin could not recall ever seeing his brother look quite so rough. He wore his exhaustion openly, and there were a handful of bruises and scrapes visible under the edges of his sleeve and collar. When he had been told that his brother had willingly participated in defending the Queen during the attack, he hadn’t really been sure what to think. But all doubts were gone now._ _ _ _

____Verin knew that this was not technically proper, but he was far too tired and concerned to care. He rushed forward, past the strangers, and wrapped his brother up in a tight hug. Essek could yell at him all he wants later._ _ _ _

____Verin was only barely aware of chatter occurring around them as various figures moved along his periphery. Instead, all of his attention was on his brother, who was here and alive. Despite everything, he was okay, and that’s what mattered._ _ _ _

____“Ack, Verin, please, this hurts,” Essek all but squeaked out, finally prompting the stronger man to let go. He set his brother down gently, and only then realized that he wasn’t floating either._ _ _ _

____“Thank the Light you are okay,” Verin said, not caring at all for propriety. “The Umavi was infuriatingly vague, and no one at the palace was willing to give me clear answers.”_ _ _ _

____“Weren’t you in Baxxozan?” Essek asked him incredulously. Of all things to ask._ _ _ _

____“Eeeh, it’s not _that _far away,” Verin said with a shrug, diverting his eyes now that he was suddenly under scrutiny. Instead, he found himself looking to the various people who had filtered into the room or hovered on the edges.___ _ _ _

______The human woman watched with arched brows that said she was somewhat surprised, though she still seems mostly indifferent. Next to her was a blue tiefling wearing a very colorful dress who was the exact opposite, and seemed to be hanging on every word and expression moving between the two drow._ _ _ _ _ _

______There was also a half-orc and another human, watching with neutral expressions that betrayed none of their thoughts. Then, right as he looked past the two men and into what appeared to be a kitchen, an incredibly tall and very _bright _figure appeared. The man must have been at least seven feet tall, and was a pale gray, furred individual? With vibrant pink hair.___ _ _ _ _ _

________“Would you like to sit down?” the man said, a serene, almost dopey grin on his face as he pointed to another nearby room with a spatula that was covered in what might be eggs. Verin couldn’t really bring himself to answer as he still tried to process the man’s very existence._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“OH MY GOD yes!” the tiefling suddenly squealed, causing Verin to jump slightly. “Come sit _doowwnnn _Verin! It’s so good to meet you!”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Oh, uhhh… Thank you?” Verin said, before glancing sideways at his brother, but Essek just chuckled quietly before stepping back to allow everyone to filter into the other room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Verin felt his mouth drop open slightly as he tried to process _Essek CHUCKLING _when the tiefling woman laced her arm into his and then began dragging him towards what appeared to be a dining room. She was surprisingly strong for how young she acted.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“So my name is Jeeester, and this is Beau, and Fjord, and Caleb, and that was Caduceus, and Veth is somewhere around here hiding, oh and this is Yasha! Essek stayed the night with us because he is our best friend and we love him,” she said, her words flowing so quickly that Verin was fairly certain he won’t remember any of the names she just prattled off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________In the end, she let go of his arm to allow him to sit opposite to where Essek was situated. A mug of steaming tea was placed in front of him when the tall man stuck his head in again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Food will be ready in just a moment,” he said with that same serene smile. Verin could only just nod in response as he tried desperately to wrap his mind around this incredible group of very strange individuals._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Essek shifted in his seat somewhat gingerly, and winced quietly as he did. Verin became hyper-focused on his brother once more at that tiny sign of pain, though he did what he could to hide that fact. His brother had never been a fan of people fawning over him, so he doubted that he would appreciate it now._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Had he not been paying attention, he probably would have missed the subtle whispering. The human man, who settled into a chair next to Essek, rested his chin into his hand, hiding his mouth casually. Yet Verin could still just barely hear him whisper into his hand. Was it something about privacy? He couldn’t quite make it out._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________What he did see was the slightest, gentle sigh from Essek as his ears dropped an inch, before his brother very subtly shook his head no._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Verin couldn’t help but immediately dismiss the idea of privacy being discussed then. There’s no way his brother would want to have company for _this _conversation and honestly, Verin was getting a bit impatient to begin said conversation.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“So… brother, please do inform me of exactly what happened yesterday,” Verin asked. “Because so far, everyone who I have asked has given me half answers at best, or no answers at worst, and I am _very _confused.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Ah, right to it then,” Essek said, looking down into his cup of tea, his ears dropping even further as they entered into the more stressful line of conversation. “In short, it's actually rather simple. The Mighty Nein here heard news of an impending assassination attempt against the Queen, from within the Dynasty. The attempt was kept as secret as possible, to assure that the perpetrators did not know that we were aware, and a plan was laid out. This plan involved both the involvement of the Mighty Nein, and myself, as I am sure you are aware.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Aware, yes. Confused about? Also yes,” Verin admitted. It was strange, at the very least, that foreigners, no matter how illustrious, had been allowed to assist in protecting the Queen. It was even stranger that Essek had chosen to be so integral to the plan as well though. He had never been one to willingly offer to be in the spotlight, let alone in the crossfire._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________His brother offered no clarification, however, as he continued to speak._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“During the attempt, a particularly deadly individual named the Caedogeist became involved. I was able to counter some of her abilities, and she was… not particularly happy about that,” Essek said. “Because of this, I was targeted, and subsequently killed.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________There was a heavy pause now, as Essek stared deeply into his cup of tea, his face tense but otherwise expressionless. It was surprisingly quiet, as everyone in the room listened respectfully._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Verin’s mind was reeling. It had been difficult to process and accept when he had heard it from sniveling Den members and pompous politicians. But here he was, hearing those same words from Essek’s own mouth. What if… what if the rest of it was true?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Afterwards, the Mighty Nein resurrected me, at great cost to themselves, for which I will forever be grateful,” Essek said quietly, eyes looking around the room at the various people around them. As if he hadn’t just admitted something scandalous. As if he hadn’t just confirmed…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Wait, so you were… dead dead? Not just unconscious?” Verin asked, his mind still trying to wrap around everything he had learned in the last several hours._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Correct, Verin,” his brother replied, now looking directly at him. His eyes were tired. He knew what this meant. He didn’t deflect or hide from it. He faced it, head-on._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Verin leaned back in his seat. He didn’t really know what to say at this point. There was so much to say. And yet his mind refused to settle on one avenue of discussion. The room was silent. As if they waited for him to decide._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Essek…” he began, suddenly remembering the people who surrounded them. “Perhaps, would you like some privacy for this next leg of the conversation?” He decided to go with a blunt and to-the-point approach. It always worked for him in the past._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Actually, Verin,” Essek responded, his ears twitching upward defensively and looking around at everyone else, “Anything you would like to say, you can say here. They already know everything.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Oh… OH._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________He must really trust them a lot._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Well in that case, what the hell?” Verin asked, rolling with it and jumping straight to the question that had been bugging him all morning. “Why did you never tell me?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________There was a pregnant pause of silence. Essek’s face immediately dropped into an exasperated expression that would normally only be seen by Verin._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Well… and what? Make you a target too?” Essek asked incredulously. “It was already bad enough that you ignored the unspoken social rules of the den, but can you imagine what you would have done if you had known why they were there in the first place?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Verin hadn’t considered that, but then again, much of what he thought of his early life with Essek was suddenly being called into question. He had always been so confused. Now, though, it all made sense._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“But I could have helped!” Verin argued back. “It all makes so much more sense now and it’s actually _really _sad! You shouldn’t have had to deal with all of that!”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Verin…” Essek began wearily, ears dropping again. He suddenly looked very tired. “You couldn’t have changed anything. The Umavi’s word is law.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Oh like that’s stopped either of us before,” Verin countered, but he knew it was true. As much as he hated it, he knew that he wouldn’t have been able to change anything. It infuriated him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________There was such a confusing swirl of emotions in his heart as this conversation went on. Frustration and concern made way for exhaustion, guilt, and grief. Grief for a past they never got to have._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“I… at least you wouldn’t have been alone,” Verin muttered, eyes downcast as he said it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Verin…” Essek said sadly, though he couldn’t continue as Verin immediately began to speak._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“It all makes so much more sense now and I really was an idiot!” He said, barely bothering to keep his voice down. If Essek didn’t care that these other people heard, then he really didn’t either. He had always trusted Essek’s opinion of people._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“I was always so confused! Because you were obviously so _incredible _, and people were respectful, sure, but they didn’t _fawn _over you. And then I would do something barely mediocre and they would all immediately gush praise. I was _so _certain that they were just trying to be nice because I was an idiot. Because if they treated you that way for actually being good, then clearly they were just trying to make me feel better, and I ended up getting so mad about it.”_______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“Wait… what?” Essek asked, obviously very confused. “You thought the Den thought you were dumb?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“Well, that’s what it looked like!” Verin countered adamantly. “I mean, you were always incredibly smart, and I couldn’t even begin to keep up. Why do you think I ended up going the more physical career route?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“Verin, they loved you!” Essek said incredulously. “Especially father.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“Father liked me because I was going to be a soldier like him,” Verin countered. “I feel like the Umavi was indifferent, and the rest of the Den, well they were all just assho-” Verin screeched to a stop before he could say anything damning, suddenly looking around the room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“No, it’s fine. They _were _assholes,” Essek said nonchalantly, waving his hand almost dismissively. Jester giggled and a few of the other members of the strange troupe chuckled as well.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________“Yeah, you don’t gotta worry about us,” the human woman said, her face far more relaxed now. “We’re not really big fans of your family right now anyway.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Verin couldn’t help but huff out a weak laugh. “Well, I don’t exactly blame you, but I do not quite have that freedom.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Freedom._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________That thought suddenly pulled him down as he realized what he had said. He remembered his mother’s message the night before. The vitriol in her voice._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________It was almost as if Essek read his mind. His brother sighed, and took a drink from his mug of tea before asking, “So what did the Umavi say? What is my sentence?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Verin looked up at his brother and scowled, though his heart was more filled with sadness than it was with anger. “It was so confusing. She gave me _no _context. Just that ‘ _Your brother is dead to the Den. Pray to the Luxon for forgiveness for his transgression _’ or something incoherent like that.” He had desperately hoped that Essek had already been informed. He did _not _want to be the one to tell him. And yet here he was, trying to make a joke about it because he didn’t know how else to handle it. He didn’t want to be the one to handle it._______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________“Ah,” was all that Essek said in response._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________“And then… _and then! _,” Verin continued, suddenly remembering the rest of the night, and desperate to distract his brother in any way he could. “I had someone message you, and do you remember what _you _told me?”_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________Essek’s face drew into a look of confusion. “Yes, I told you-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________“You told me that someone tried to _assassinate _the Queen! And that you were fine? And nothing else! No context, no explanation, no reassurance!” Verin ranted. “So I said sure, why not, and rode _all night _to get here to figure out what was going on, because somehow, both an assassination attempt and some form of _religious crime _occurred all in one moment and somehow you were involved.”_______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________“I mean, he’s gotta point, Essek,” Jester said with a shrug._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________“Well, to be fair,” Essek countered, “I was explaining quite a lot to all of you at that moment.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________“Did I hear you say you rode all night? That sounds exhausting,” the tall figure of Caduceus said, as he brought in a large tray heaped with platters of food. Verin hoped that no one heard his stomach rumble in response to the sudden quite delicious smell._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________Another figure followed Caduceus into the room, helping to carry more platters. She was a halfling woman that Verin had not seen yet, with vibrant tattoos swirling around and circling her eyes and brow._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________There was a sudden pause in conversation as other members of the Mighty Nein rose to assist in bringing a veritable breakfast feast into the room. Essek and Verin both stood to assist as well, but they were politely declined._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________“Ja, you are guests in our house,” the human man said, his voice gentle but firm. “Besides, you need rest,” he added, looking at Essek as he did so. Verin watched as something unspoken passed between the two of them. Something heavy and meaningful. Something incredibly raw._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________It was confusing and incredibly surprising, to see such a connection between Essek and another. As the other man walked away to assist with the last of breakfast prep, Verin leaned in ever so slightly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________“And who is that again?” he asked his brother. Not only had he barely processed any of the Mighty Nein’s names, but he also really hoped that Essek would elaborate somewhat further. That look had been… interesting to say the least._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________“Ah,” Essek responded, his ears quirking slightly in embarrassment. “That is Caleb Widogast, the Mighty Nein’s wizard. I know that Jester introduced everyone rather quickly, so do not hesitate to enquire about names,” he explained, eyes boring into Verin’s with an unspoken command to not dig into it right then._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________Verin noted Essek’s response to his question and tucked that inquiry into his pocket for later. There was no way he was letting _that _line of questions go easily.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________The serious conversation lulled as everyone settled to eat. Verin didn’t mind it, as he was actually quite hungry and the food was actually _very _good. Though it didn’t take long before attention was suddenly aimed at him.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________“So Verin,” the human woman began. “You’re a soldier?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________“Ah, yes, I am. Uh… what was your name again?” Verin asked as he took another bite of food._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________“Beau. Anyway, did you see a lot of the war?” she asked, as she also continued to eat. She acted nonchalant, but Verin could tell that she was very astute and attentive, in a very familiar, and almost militaristic way. She quietly observed every detail she could about him. So he did the same._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________He noted now, as he watched her eat, that her fists and elbows were scuffed and calloused. Between that and her mobility, he could estimate that she was more of an up close and personal fighter. Probably with her fists. A monk maybe?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________“No, I’ve been stationed at Bazzoxan for a while now,” he answered. “My focus has been firmly on what’s been coming out of the Umbra Gate.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________“Oh my god Essek! Why didn’t you tell us your brother was in Bazzoxan when we went over there! We could have met him earlier!” Jester asked excitedly as she bit into a donut._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________“I did not think his presence would mean much to you, at the time,” Essek answered nonchalantly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________“Oh come on Essek, would you have told them even if they had been interested?” Verin asked teasingly. His brother had never really been the sharing sort._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________“Well…” Essek muttered, not really bothering to argue with him. Yet Verin could see the slightest upward pull at his brother’s lips that belayed a small hint of humor._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________“Oh my god, Verin! I bet you’re like _super _strong, right?” Jester suddenly asked, leaning incredibly close.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________“Oh, well I mean, I’m…” Verin began to sputter._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________“Not quite as strong as Yasha, but he’s faster,” Essek suddenly volunteered. That seemed to placate Jester, as she began nodding._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________“Yes yes, that makes sense,” she said, imitating a sagely voice. “But that isn’t a bad thing Verin, a lot of people aren’t as strong as Yasha,” she added as she affectionately patted the arm of the tall woman who had been sitting in the dining room before they had entered. The woman looked sideways at her friend and gave her a small smile, but was otherwise silent._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________Verin found he would likely have to agree with Essek’s assessment. The woman was clearly a warrior, easily demonstrated by the massive greatsword that she had brought with her to breakfast. But she was also tall and broad, with strong looking shoulders that assured Verin that she could probably heft that sword around quite easily._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________“But also, I didn’t really just mean _strong _strong, because like, you can be strong and not be _strong _you know?” Jester continued as she began to feed a vibrant red weasel that had appeared from seemingly nowhere._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________“Uh… I don’t believe that I do?” Verin admitted, still thoroughly confused by the whole ordeal._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________“She’s trying to find out who would win in a fight,” the halfling said with a laugh, causing several of the others to chuckle as well. Ah. That part he could understand._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________While he was highly discouraged from participating, competitions were _very _common around Baxxozan and he always enjoyed watching. He listened as various conversations bloomed around who would or would not be most likely to hold up in a fight against each other, or himself. It didn’t take long before the conversation shifted to then include magic fighters as well, including Caleb and the Half-orc, Fjord. Then it shifted to a discussion of who would win in a battle royale, with both Essek and Verin included.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________Then, there was a resounding knock at the front door. Once more, the room fell silent, before, without a word, Beau stood up again to go and answer it. Verin watched as Essek leaned back, listening intently, though not making a move to stand from his seat._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________Fortunately, the front door was close enough, and everyone had fallen silent, allowing them to all clearly hear the conversation going on._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“Hello, is the Shadowhand present?” an unfamiliar voice asked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“Maybe. Can I take a message?” Beau asked, her voice having returned to the coldly indifferent one that she had used on Verin earlier. At least he knew that it wasn’t just him now._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“That is acceptable. Please inform him right away that the Queen has summoned him to the Luminous Chamber at his earliest convenience.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“The Luminous Chamber?” Beau confirmed, though she seemed less cold now, and almost more studious. They could all just barely hear the scratching of charcoal on paper._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“Yes. Thank you, and have a good day.” The door shut, and conversation began to buzz around the table again before Beau even returned._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“What’s the Luminous Chamber Essek?” Jester asked, right as the halfling turned to Caduceus to comment on the strangeness of the name._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“It is, essentially, the Queen’s private office,” Essek explained, ears down again with subtle worry. “Whatever she would like to discuss with me, she intends to not do in front of the court.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“Are you worried you’ll be in trouble?” Fjord asked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________Essek sighed and shrugged. “I doubt I will be thrown in jail, if that is what you are asking. But there will likely be consequences of some form.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“What are you thinking will happen?” Verin asked, eyes scrutinizing every inch of his brother’s expression. He wanted to know just how badly Essek would end up downplaying his theory._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________Essek steepled his hands and stared intently at the wooden table that they all sat at. Apparently, he had not considered it before this moment. Everyone fell silent as he contemplated._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________Verin had his own hypothesis, though he didn’t necessarily like the idea of it. Essek had been disowned from the Den, and could no longer offer that vital connection to the court. In addition, there would be significant backlash to his continued status of Shadowhand. While Verin would readily admit that he was not very familiar with the deeper aspects of politics, he was at least aware enough to expect a demotion._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“I will likely be stripped of the mantle of Shadowhand,” Essek admitted, after some time. Verin had to keep his mouth from dropping open in shock. He was quite surprised to hear his brother speak so openly, though there were many things about his brother’s actions today that had thoroughly surprised him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“What?! Just because you aren’t consecuted?” Jester asked incredulously._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“Well, it isn’t that he isn’t consecuted,” Verin began, speaking in tandem with the wizard, Caleb._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“It is more so that it was a failure, and that it was then kept secret,” the human surmised, looking softly to Essek for confirmation. He nodded his head in response._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“The political backlash that the Queen would receive for keeping me on as Shadowhand would be severe. Perhaps more than I would be worth,” he explained as he looked around the room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“Where would you go?” Yasha asked quietly. Verin was unsure what he had been expecting, but the incredibly soft voice that came out of the tall warrior was not it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“I am unsure,” Essek admitted. “They may allow me to work at the Marble Tomes Conservatory, as it is less within the public eye, and my knowledge and expertise still hold value, but there is no way to be certain.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“Oh! Don’t worry Essek, I’m sure you’re going to have something super great and smart and fancy for you to do because you’re really super cool! And hey, if not, you can totally just come hang out with us!” Jester said suddenly, practically jumping to her feet to reassure the man._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“Yeah, you’ll be fine,” Caduceus said encouragingly, and also far more quietly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________As they spoke, Essek nodded his acknowledgment of their words while wearily stacked his now empty dishes atop each other, slowly preparing to leave. Very slowly… Was he procrastinating?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“Would you like someone to accompany you?” Caleb asked softly. Verin saw Essek’s ears quirk in embarrassment again, though he was certain no one else knew what that tell meant yet._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“I won’t lie,” Fjord suddenly mused. “I was hoping to see if they had been able to question the corpses from yesterday as well. Perhaps just a couple of us? We can check in on that while you chat with the Queen.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________He made it sound so casual. As if it was just a walk in the park. Verin heard Essek huff out a weak scoff, though he also saw his brother’s expression soften ever so slightly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________“Perhaps... I can connect you with the Agent who is likely leading that investigation. They… I’ve worked with them for a while now, and I would like to believe that they will still respect me enough to share what they can.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________Verin had to keep as tight of a control on his expression as he could. These people… He wasn’t sure how, but they had changed Essek, seemingly to his very core. Even with the weak and rather obvious excuse that the half-orc had just given him, he was accepting their what? Comfort? Was that what this was?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________Verin felt a strange tightness in his chest as he thought about it. For so long, he had done everything he could to get Essek to open up. To allow a meaningful connection to form between them. To get him to lean on him, and rely on him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________Somehow… This ragtag mottly crew of weird as hell foreigners had done just that. He didn’t know how to feel about it. In a way, he felt jealousy, but at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel a light sense of hope._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________Maybe Essek would be okay after all._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________………………………………………………………………………………………………._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________Essek sighed as he dropped to his feet in the foyer of his home only an hour later. He did not bother with lighting any candles or dancing lights, and rather just moved through his home in complete darkness, with only the colorless hints of shapes afforded to him by his darkvision to guide him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________Caleb and Fjord had agreed to meet him here after he had some time to prepare. He needed fresh clothes and a warm bath before he subjected himself to a meeting with the Queen. But he had also craved some silence. Some stillness._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________He was so grateful to the Mighty Nein, and everything they had done for him since the disastrous events yesterday. But they could be a lot at the best of times, and he was finding himself feeling very overwhelmed by the warmth and the care that they were showing to him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________He didn’t deserve it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________________________________Filthy. Tainted! ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________________________________It’s not like he was the victim here._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________________________________________A stain on the Den’s name! ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________________________________It’s not like he hadn’t had this coming._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________________________________It was always going to come out eventually, wasn’t it? ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________________________________Essek sighed as he reached his room, then sunk down to the floor. He sat there, in the dark and the quiet, for far longer than he had intended, his mind swirling with the reality he now lived in as a long-forgotten but incredibly familiar sense of shame settled over him like a cloak._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
